How aesthetic experience revived my enthusiasm for life
I felt a sudden twitch inside me, and without thinking, I began rubbing my thumb and index fingers together. It instantly broke the calm I had reached through meditation.
When I opened my eyes, I noticed a line of golden light on the horizon.
It was slowly growing, brightening the early morning sky, and gently spreading its warmth over the buildings. The light moved closer, inching toward me. Still seated in the lotus position on the balcony, I heard birds begin to sing, adding to the peaceful moment as the day started to unfold.
Looking at the sky and reading the clouds, I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day—something I had learned after living in this “tropical paradise” for a while. The day was stunning, but as I watched the breathtaking scene, I felt nothing.
Over the past nine years, I’ve seen hundreds of beautiful sunrises over the sea, so many that I stopped counting or noticing the differences. To me, they all felt the same now.
Think about your favorite dessert. Now imagine eating it every day for nine years. Would you still enjoy it? Would you still look forward to that first bite? Would it still taste as delicious?
Can you get tired of endless summer vibes and constant sunshine? My answer is: “Yes!” But if you live in a place where it’s freezing and snows a lot, you might disagree—and I get it. I would have, too, back in 2013.
That October, I moved to Cancun from a city where it snows even in April, and the sun felt like a rare treat.
I had forgotten about the beauty of life and was craving the sun, warmth, and the Caribbean Sea. Every part of me longed for it.
When I finally experienced it for the first time, I was captivated and thought I could live there forever.
After nine years, my feelings about the place completely changed.
I went from thinking, “This is amazing! I want to stay here,” to “This is awful! I want to leave.” The place itself hadn’t changed much—it still looked amazing from a tourist’s point of view.
But I wasn’t a tourist; I lived and worked there. You could have called me a local, though I didn’t look like one. I knew the area so well, I could’ve been a guide, but I never felt like I truly belonged.
I love nature; its wildness is a source of pure inspiration.
But people are complicated. We’re always comparing, searching for something better, while still romanticizing the past and wanting more. Once you’ve tasted the instant gratification of city life, it’s hard to forget. That memory sticks with you, even when you’re walking peacefully through jungle paths near cenotes.
At some point, something will remind you of that past—like a ghost that vanishes just as quickly as it appears—leaving you with a lingering sense of its presence.
That’s when you realize that memories are always with you, following you wherever you go.
Living in Playa del Carmen for six years stirred up memories of my life in a bustling city filled with vibrant culture, bold art, and endless aesthetic experiences.
It made me question:
Do I really like it here? Am I comfortable?
The answer was clear: “No.” If I truly felt at home, I wouldn’t be asking myself these questions in the first place.
Craving the Aesthetic Experience
The word “aesthetic” comes from the Greek word ‘aisthētikos,’ meaning “to perceive, sense, or learn” and “related to perception by the senses.” So, you could say that “feeling life through all five senses” is another way to describe aesthetics.
Aesthetics is about experiencing life by fully engaging all your senses, sparking curiosity, and continuing to explore, which enriches both the mind and spirit. This ongoing process is what brings a sense of fullness to life. It’s like how the number of clothes in your wardrobe doesn’t matter as much as how you combine them to express your individuality, mood, and aspirations.
When I set off on my adventurous journey halfway around the world with a one-way ticket, it was my curiosity and desire to explore that drove me. I felt like the artist of my own life, loving the days when I lived freely, almost like a hippie, soaking up every moment of freedom.
Surrounded by the sea and sunshine, I believed that this feeling of divine, effortless joy would last forever.
After settling in Playa del Carmen and making the “tropical paradise” my home, I focused entirely on growing my photography business. In doing so, I quieted my curiosity and zest for life.
The practical, business-focused side of me took over and became the center of attention.
I focused on marketing, advertising, and promoting my photography business. I learned how to build websites on WordPress, write SEO-optimized articles, record and edit videos using Premiere Pro and After Effects, and use social media to grow my brand. I even learned a third language.
These efforts paid off, bringing financial success and a sense of accomplishment—a powerful combination that almost convinced me this was the ultimate happiness in life.
I grew up surrounded by art, European-style architecture, and diverse cultures. This environment became a fundamental part of me, shaping my understanding of life’s joy. It was deeply embedded in me, and difficult to remove.
Under the pressure of new and different circumstances, this part of me was silenced for a long time. But eventually, it stirred, demanding attention and letting me know something important was missing.
In the book “How to Get What You Want and Want What You Have,” John Gray talks about 12 “love tanks.” My “tropical paradise” tank, managed by the practical side of me, was definitely overflowing. I couldn’t handle any more of that.
What I was missing was the aesthetic experiences and beauty of life. I felt like a robot, going through the motions on autopilot.
Even my creative work, taking photos, had become routine because my only surroundings were sand, sea, and sky. At some point, I realized that despite the beautiful landscape, the sunshine, and the sound of the waves, I felt emotionally numb and uninspired.
For someone as endlessly curious as I am, a tropical paradise became a kind of trap—or maybe I turned it into one. To escape, I needed to reconnect with aesthetic experiences and fully engage my senses to truly feel alive again. I longed for the busy lifestyle I had left behind nine years ago.
My eyes craved the visual diversity of a big city, my ears missed the sounds of classy music, soft jazz in a bar, and opera. My hands wanted to touch cashmere and a furry coat.
I wanted to feel life deeply, rather than just existing in a place where my only connection was my photography business.
The lack of aesthetic experiences made me realize how important art and beautiful experiences are for maintaining a sense of balance in life.
How visual aesthetics revived my enthusiasm for life
Painting
My first attempt to bring visual beauty back into my life was through painting with oils and acrylics. Quickly, my living space was filled with colorful abstracts inspired by nature. Using brushes, palette knives, and sometimes my fingers to create these paintings was both enriching and calming. It also helped me release the stress from my “technical mode” life, which involved:
- Sticking strictly to an agenda
- Typing on a laptop or computer
- Counting and calculating, always following rules
- Taking photos
- Staring at computer screens or camera displays
- Multitasking every day
Painting with acrylics and oils became a meditative escape for me, allowing me to enjoy the creative process and lose track of time while simply having fun.
Theatre classes
Painting helped me reconnect with my creativity and gave me the courage to try new things. After finishing my eleventh painting, I started taking theatre classes in Cancun. Finding them was challenging because the “tropical paradise” seemed more focused on fun and drinking than on art. But I eventually discovered them at the “Casa de la Cultura” (House of Culture). Every Saturday, I spent three hours traveling there to learn and enjoy the classes.
I’m deeply grateful to the teacher for sharing their acting skills, helping us use our voices, understand our bodies, and communicate effectively. Being part of the theatre classes, performing on stage, and speaking in Spanish—my third language—gave me a wonderful sense of belonging.
When the pandemic hit, my aesthetic experiences came to a halt. For three months, I only expressed creativity and enjoyed beauty through writing and editing videos for my YouTube channel.
Golf Classes
Though I had never been a golf fan, living in Playa del Carmen and Cancun exposed me to golf culture. Many all-inclusive hotels have golf courses, which made the game a prominent part of the local scene. I was eventually drawn to the sport, and when life began to return to normal in Cancun, I decided to take golf classes.
It was my way of celebrating the return to “normal life” and recharging my enthusiasm for new activities, which led to something unexpected.
Rediscovering Femininity
The unexpected discovery was that I had lost touch with my femininity. Years of being a solopreneur, organizing vow renewals, and planning beach proposals had overshadowed this aspect of myself. This topic deserves its own article, which I plan to write later. For now, I want to mention that working with coach Candice Oneida and attending her master’s class helped me understand how I lost touch with my femininity. This process began with focusing on my personal style and starting to wear dresses again.
Flying Dresses
As a creative outcome of my rediscovery, I introduced Flying Dress photoshoots to my photography services. This addition brought a new level of visual pleasure into my life. The vibrant, flowing dresses reignited my enthusiasm for the creative side of my work. It also added a deeper meaning to my photography, as these photoshoots help women feel beautiful and empowered.
Mexico City
When flights resumed at the end of 2020, I traveled to Mexico City to unwind and see if my craving for visual beauty had been satisfied. As one of the largest cities in the world, with 152 museums and over 50 galleries, it was the perfect destination for me then. I visited two museums and a gallery and felt incredibly inspired. The trip was like a breath of fresh air, clearing doubts and stress and helping me see new opportunities for enriching experiences.
I returned home feeling inspired to turn my aesthetic loneliness into a rich and fulfilling experience and reignite my passion for life. It became clear that I couldn’t spend my entire life in a beach resort city where the only excitement came from the sand, sea, palm trees or parting in nightclubs.
Despite some debate about what constitutes aesthetics and aesthetic experiences, it’s not about luxury, money, or having the most expensive things. It’s not about the number of dresses, watches, purses, or cars or indulging in consumerism.
Instead, it’s about consciously and creatively using what you have to find balance and continue growing.
Aesthetics is the heartbeat of life, offering pleasure and insight through our senses. It sparks curiosity, which fuels our enthusiasm and interest in living fully.
Here’s how aesthetics revived my passion for life:
- It helped me refine my schedule, balancing work, active leisure, and relaxation.
- It showed me the joy of decorating my apartment with personal touches that make it feel like “home.”
- It taught me that simply buying fresh flowers and placing them on the kitchen table can bring a smile to my face every time I see them.
- It guided me towards self-love and self-care.
- It made me reconsider the importance of art and creative activities, leading me to start embracing a “Fine Art Lifestyle.”
- It enriched my life with interesting and fulfilling experiences, sparking my curiosity in new ways.
In 2022, I boarded a plane to New York, flying over Cancun. Looking out the window, I felt nostalgic for the beaches I had walked countless times. While I knew I wouldn’t miss them, they would always hold a special place in my heart, and I looked forward to returning for a short visit someday.
Let the tropical paradise remain as it is—a place of simple happiness. We need it to stay pristine, with the sounds of the ocean, soft sandy beaches, rustling palm leaves, the calls of seagulls, and romantic sunrises.
Mother Nature created such places to help us relax and feel content amidst our busy lives. It’s important to know these places exist for us to escape, recharge, and disconnect from the hectic world before returning to where we truly belong.
Aesthetics, the immeasurable feeling of life, requires balance. It includes light and dark, good and bad, rain and sun. Harmony exists with both elements present. For me, this balance includes aesthetic experiences and art. How about you?
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